Just a regular day...

Ok, the following exchange occurred inside a grocery store between a stuffed bear and myself.  Enjoy:

ME:  *Notices bear*  Press me?  Ok!  *press*
BEAR:  *teddy bear voice*  I like you!
ME:  *Running*  I'm not ready for a commitment!
FRIEND:  *Falls to floor laughing*

You really can't make this shit up...My life is full of the dumbest, funniest, weirdest things.

-At the Gym-
FRIEND:  So he says he's not sleeping with the new boo just yet.  But he did let me know that handsies and blowsies were still in full effect.
ME:  Well that's good.
FRIEND:  Yea.  You want headsies?
ME:  Um...excuse me?  Did you just offer me oral sex?
FRIEND:  Oh my god!  No.  Haha, I meant headphones.  You can plug them in to the treadmill and listen to the TV...
ME:  Oh...um, sure.  Awkward...
FRIEND:  Loves it.

These moments just come out of no where.  I'm not sure if they're bouts of simple stupidity or if they really are moments of inspiration that God is trying to give me saying something along the lines of:  CARRY A CAMERA!  This shit would make a great sitcom!  God, of course, having the voice of Morgan Freeman because I can't think of him sounding any other way anymore. 

Oh god...then there's this one:

ME:  This tastes really bad...can you check the expiration date?
FRIEND:  Sure...Oh my god?
ME:  Let me guess, they expired in 2006.
FRIEND:  ...how could you tell?
ME:  BECAUSE THEY TASTE 3 YEARS OLD!  UGH!  I'm pretty sure they have fermented and now have alcoholic properties...

On the phone:

ME:  Hey.
FRIEND:  Hi, what's going on?
ME:  ...are you eating Peanut Butter and Jelly?
FRIEND:  How did you know that?
ME:  I can hear it in your voice.

Moments like this remind me how wonderful life is.  Thank you world for giving me such great friends!