Don't do "the sexy"...

So you meet someone new.  You talk and all you can think about is how cute he is.  You admire his pecs while he tells you about his audition for So You Think You Can Dance.  You stare at his cute synthetically altered blue eyes that are currently green for the night.

The night goes on, you have some drinks.  Things get a little heated.  Next thing you know, you guys are making out as you sit on your friend's lap.  You guys move to the kitchen, he pins you up against the wall and ravages your lips.

Did...did he just growl in my ear?  Um...ok, let's ignore that.

"Who'd you come here with?"

You're going to ask me that now?  After a good half hour of a make-out session?  Whatever.  "Nobody.  My roommate dropped me off."

"I'm going to fuck the shit out of you."

Ew...do you realize how gross that kind of sounds?  That's not cute...don't say that again.

"Do you have anywhere private we can go?"

...we're at someone else's house.  "No, I don't.  I don't do hookups anyways."

What's wrong with just wanting to make out with someone?  I don't feel like having sex with every guy I meet.  Sometimes just kissing is a fun enough experience for me.

Did he just growl again?  Ugh...ok, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm pretty sure you don't get orgasms from touching someone's arm.  So why the hell is he moaning up a storm?

This is just annoying.  He's totally doing "the sexy."  He's trying to be as sexy as he can.  Don't do that around me!  I can see the fake right through your colored contacts.

You know what I find sexy:  Being yourself.  Not trying to overcompensate with your life by telling me about your latest show on Broadway.  I know for a fact that you've never danced on Broadway so calm the hell down.  Lie's are not sexy.  Being "sexy" is not sexy.

Sexy is being awkward.

Sexy is dropping a frying pan and calling all attention at a party to you and the guy you're with.

Sexy is telling me that I'm cute, not that you will fuck the feces out of me.

Sexy is being interested.

Sexy is laughing.

Sexy is being yourself.

Sexy is letting me tell you that I don't want to have a hookup and you acknowledging that and respecting my decision so as not to put anyone else involved in an awkward position.  

That is sexy.  I want that guy.

And I don't think I'm going to find him in you...