Complaining

Wow...I really went to town on the whole melodramatic gay card in my previous blog.  So how about this for a contrast:

Stop complaining.

It's not attractive.  Nobody likes to hear it.  We've all got our own problems to deal with so stop freaking complaining about your easily solved problems.

If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it, change you freaking attitude about it.  Maya Angelou knows what I'm talking about here so I must be on to something!

Complaining about a situation is not going to resolve it.  What you need to do is learn how to step out of the situation, map out exactly what the obstacles are, and pick out the quickest route for solution.

Complaining is like procrastinating on putting a pair of shoes into your closet.  They don't belong in the middle of the living room, they're going to get in the way eventually, you don't like seeing them there anyways, so you might as well get to it.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying I will turn someone away when they need help.  What I'm trying to say is, figure out if you can do something on your own before going to everyone else to do your dirty work.  And if getting someone to help you out is your final solution, then pay attention to how they fix it so that you can learn from them and acquire the knowledge they've just presented you.

Life is a learning experience.  We can't simply glide by unknowing of all things around us.  Well...technically, yes, one can...but we shouldn't!

Rather than being an idle bystander in our own lives, how about we take action and get the gears turning.

If that doesn't sway your mind, think of this:

Complaining is annoying!

Woe is me...

To be perfectly honest, if you don't care to find out that I'm a real person underneath the thick-skinned facade...just don't even bother reading the rest of this.

I feel like shit.  I am remarkably alone even though I'm surrounded by so many loving people.  I try to put it out there that I'm strong and happy (possibly to show some that I don't need them in my life) and it really just gets tiresome after a while.

I want to curl up into a ball and never wake up because my mind is the only safe place for me.  In there I can control everything that occurs, from the fantastical to the decor I can be the puppet master.

In my mind I am safe because in there are: all of the secrets that I have been told that I have never shared, the cries I wish I could let out, the things I want to say that I hold back on, the regret for saying some things that I should have held back.  When those things are in my own mind, I can control it.  I can tuck them away and I can ignore them or call on them when I need to.  When I'm thrown into a mix of people, everything goes out of whack.  I want to pour the contents of my brain into their lap.  I want to divulge everything I've learned about old religions, technical acting, musical insight, dance intuition, and how to match the rhetoric of your latest favorite author.

I want to be happy for the great things that have come my way but I'm too preoccupied with the bad things that I've just helped others through.  Or the negative things that I can't seem to get away from.  I've made the attempt at becoming a positive person freely and without struggle and it has become the hardest adventure I have ever set myself out on.

Harder even than leaving everything and everyone you know to start a life in a state you've never lived in to pursue a dream that could very well turn out to be just that.  Harder even than choosing a lifestyle that hurt everyone close to you and wish that you could take it back so that you could have that one person to love you unconditionally.  Harder even than wanting to cry so badly that nothing happens because you have held back the tears for so long.

Do I need a relationship?  I don't think so.  I understand that in the end, I'm alone anyways.  When I fall asleep, regardless of who I lay next to, I go into a world all my own where no one else can join me.  That "alone" is what makes me who I am.  I preach so much about having to overcome yourself before you can even be ready to attempt something more than just you...but what happens when you've overcome yourself to the point where you have conquered all that you are.  And the only thing left is a minuscule fraction of what you used to be and what you will never become.

I am Atlas too weak to shrug.
I am a column eroded with time.
I am a keystone turning to dust.
I am the foundation laid upon the sand.

I am losing friends.

I am doing exactly what I did in high school before I moved to Japan.  I got rid of all of my friends so that it hurt less when I left.  I'm breaking down the friends that I have at school now so that I can graduate in peace. I'm setting myself up for solitude...

I have learned that being positive is being fake.  I tried to force my negative energies out by masking them with positive but I've realized that the positive is only a surface trait.  Even in the moment I know when I'm consciously trying to be positive because I'm attempting to convince myself that the negative isn't my reality...when in reality...it is.

Our gift as mankind is to live because when we die, everything is uncertain.  So how do we learn to appreciate that gift when this life becomes close to unbearable as each day progresses?

How do you offer a helping hand when your bones are made of sand?

So there you have it:  Adriano is a regular guy who freaks out sometimes.

I guess you were right, we're not all perfect.